there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
