I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
