she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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