took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
