Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
