So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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