IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
