i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
