i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
