He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
