I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
