Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
