I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
