He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize