They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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