Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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