It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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