i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
