Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
