I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
