My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
