the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
