I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
