Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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