I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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