i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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