So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
