I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
