$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize