so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
