uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
