the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
