GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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