my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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