Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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