I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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