My first STD was from a foam party
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
try to milk me bitch
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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