do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
