im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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