I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Its about making memories worth repressing
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
