so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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