Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
