he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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