kristin has been a bad kristin
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
