I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
