it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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