In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
