Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
