it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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