At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
