so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
